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Bath time. Oh, the misery! I loathe bath time. Why would I want to smell like a Hawaiian coconut or a Japanese Cherry Blossom? I think I can speak for all dogs here and say we prefer smelling like crushed bugs and dirt.
Sorry to rain on your parade, but our humans will never stop bathing us. Never. Take it from this wise, extremely attractive weenie. I'm 9 years old and have never been able to bark my way out of a bath. *If anyone calls me a senior wiener I will never share my biscuits with you. My humans insist on me smelling fresh with hints of lavender and cinnamon. Barf.
Here is my advice
Learn to tolerate it.
I know, I know. Many of you dogs will turn your behinds on me and walk away. Heaps of you will refuse to read any further and take your sniffers elsewhere. For those of you brave souls willing to withstand a bad situation, listen up.
Don't run away and hide behind the sofa. THEY WILL FIND YOU!
Don't thrash your paws around and jump out of the tub. YOUR BATH WILL BE 2X AS LONG AND YOU'll LOOK CRAZY.
Don't bark, cry, scream, growl or whine. NO TREATS FOR YOU!
So now you ask, “what's a dog to do?” These three words are your ticket to a short and harmonious bath. JUST STAND STILL. If you want to secure that extra biscuit, glance at the human with your finest puppy eyes they ever did see.
Now dogs, *do not read this next section until your humans have left the room and come back when it's safe. Ok, here is the most important piece of information I can give.
As soon as your bath is complete, go outside and roll around in the most offensive smelling stench possible and resume normal life!
Want more exceptional advice from this knowledgeable weenie? Check out my post on How To Attract the Ladies (my most experienced topic)